Nearly there...

11 Sept 2016

I was hoping to do an update next week after my appointment with my Oncologist and was going to say all sorts of positive stuff but they have cancelled my appointment and moved it on three weeks. So my dose of positivity will have to wait!!

So back to being grumpy....

I've managed to get Epicondylitis (posh word for Tennis Elbow), obviously in my sleep I've been nipping out and playing a few sets with Andy Murray!! Much to my chagrin I need to wear a support thingy on my arm. I now look like one of those people who always wear a neck brace saying "look at me, I've got a poorly". Hate that. But it does make a heck of a difference painwise so I have to retract my criticism!

I've also arrived at the stage that takes people by surprise. The big treatments are over and your brain doesn't need to cope with that anymore so it turns inwards and asks "What the hell happened to me?". It's a bit scary and suddenly very real. Lots of "Oh my God" moments. Seconds after taking the photos in "My Last Treatment" post, I broke down in tears in the hospital corridor, luckily MIL was there to hug me. It took me completely by surprise. Friends who have been through this, have said this is the point where they have sought out help. So I'm launching into getting my strength and fitness back, you may have seen The Bond BC Challenge.

I think I will stay here in denial for a little while longer.

Worrying

From 7/2/16

Whilst with the Oncologist last week, we talked about the stiffness and pains in my joints which is either caused by the Herceptin injections (10 left) or by the Arimidex (tablets for 5 years), she said it should start to calm down a bit soon, so I'm hopeful about that. She also said that the Yoga I'm trying hard to do each day (but failing) is very good as it helps to keep the joints mobilised. I must try harder. I'm kind of used to hobbling out of bed in the mornings until everything warms up a bit!! Next the Oncologist mentioned I needed to have a blood test done, this was to search for markers, which will show if there has been any recurrence of cancer. I had a strange reaction to this. I felt back in Cancer Land again rather than being in Almost Normal Land, where I have been residing since Radiotherapy finished. I prefer not to know what they are testing for, but at the same time I really really want to know that the result is nice and clear. But we can't have it both ways can we?!! I guess there will be plenty of these tests to come and that's a really good thing, but I will need to deal with the worry factor, the "what if". A friend has just been through the awful wait for results after a biopsy, it has to be the longest wait in the world. Your brain goes all kinds of places. Why do we do that? Why do we worry so? Back when I was waiting for the results of my diagnosis I was actually relieved when they told me what I had, yes relieved! Because I knew we could crack on and fix me. The wait for results has you in a limbo land of nothingness. I'm not sure that I want to spend my time worrying about results so I'm going to decide not to, what will be will be, I'm going to crack on with cracking on!

Stirrups - Yee Ha!

It's been 6 weeks since my final Chemo and 3 weeks since having a Herceptin injection on its own for the first time. Did anything happen to me after my jab? Sure did! After I got home my feet blew up like balloons!!! I did the right thing and elevated them and slept with them on pillows and then just hoped it would go away. Which if course it did not. Phone call to the hospital and the Doc assures me that it is not Herceptin but the Chemo which has caused it. Three weeks on and my feet are still swelling up whenever I sit down. Walking and lying down are fine! I can also produce a rather lovely “cankle” look when my ankles decide to join in the swelling! Will see what they say on the ward next week when I have my next Herceptin jab. Just to moan a bit more, I have joint pain and stiffness too at times and it can be extremely difficult to get out of a chair if I’ve been in it for a while. I'm assured this will start to ease. But if you were to see me without my wig on and just my fuzzy bit of grey hair fluff, I seriously look like a 90 year man slowly creaking out of a chair!!! Yes man, not woman!! My hair is growing in a weird baby fine fuzz, male pattern baldness kind of way, also my nails look like they may be falling off soon, the joy of after-effects of Chemo!! Meanwhile I have been for another Echocardiogram, it was disappointingly ordinary, even the chap doing it was gentle and not like Cruella who attacked my ribs last time! More excitingly I have been for the set up appointment for my Radiotherapy treatment. Lee and I met a lovely lady in the waiting room who was unfortunately metastatic (got secondaries), but she was a joy to talk to. Lee was nattering away to her, while I got changed into the hospital blue gown, which had velcro all over the place and once on, couldn't quite contain my boobs, which I feared would break open the velcro at any point! I sat back down next to Lee rather gingerly for fear of exposing the Mitchell Brothers to our lovely lady, not the done thing really. They called me in and asked me to lie down on the scanning bed. 

There are attachments on there which look like stirrups, ladies you'll know what I mean (not the horsey type), but they are above where my head will go! Oh no, I can feel an inappropriate comment just waiting to escape from my mouth, regarding getting my ankles over my head, but thankfully I managed to refrain. Turns out the stirrups are for my arms so they are out of the way when the x-ray beams start to hit my boob. The very handsome young male radiographer tells me he is going to place my arms in the stirrups, then he takes hold of my sexy blue gown and rips open the velcro on my shoulders, takes my arms and places them above my head then rips open the front of my gown exposing my bosom. All I can say is I'm glad it was a very cold room!! He was a very nice young man!!! Ha ha!! His female colleague then set about my boobs with a marker pen, I think they wrote “stupid old trout” on my left one, but it was upside down so I couldn't really tell. I was slid in and out of the machine a few times and zapped at some point. When the lovely young man re-appeared he asked if I had any questions so I asked about my heart, as my Oncologist had said the Radiographers need to ensure they don't zap my heart, now my lump had been directly above my heart so…? He reassured me that the direction of the beam comes in at an angle and so misses my heart, it will catch a couple of my ribs and a bit of my lungs but that's all. Great, I think?!!! Now it was time to get tattooed. Oh yes, all ladies in the BC club get three free tattoos when undergoing radiotherapy. One in the centre of your chest and one down each side, so they can line you up to the machinery correctly. I steadied myself for this, as I have got “ink” already so I knew about the pain, but it was just one quick scratch at each site, nowhere near as bad as other stuff I've had done over the past six months!! It's just a boring black dot, a bit like the schoolboy thing on a knuckle. It's not big enough to even turn it into a flower!! That was it, all set up and done. They just needed to give me my start date, which is 8th Dec, which means I will be having Radiotherapy all over Christmas! Ding dong merrily on high!!! But yet again how can I complain? It's a tiny inconvenience compared to what it is doing for me. As I walked out of the room, they told me I can keep my sexy blue gown for the duration. How lucky am I? Now why has that young man run away?????